Meeting Others

I have been going out, with my new freedoms, and meeting new people. What I hadn’t expected was – in my solitude and my own trance-work, how hard it is to connect to other Pagans. All of the trials, tribulations, failures, triumphs, and new wisdom learned… Cannot be communicated in simple sentences.

I spoke to those who felt they knew it all – already, by the age of 27. I’ve spoken to those who felt like wizened people by the age of 32. I’ve had conversations with those who felt they had so much to teach – at the age of 20. I was baffled. When I was 20, I was a moron. An idiot with too much arrogance to make heads nor tails of anything. I still feel like an idiot, for all the things I don’t know, nor understand. If that’s the sign of wisdom – then damn, wisdom is more complex than I imagined.

I’ve held heated debates about being a ‘Pious Pagan,’ and hunting. Yes, I ritual hunt – and if there’s no meat left in the house than I’ll be vegetarian for a while. I’m firm on that opinion – if I don’t know how the meat was acquired, I won’t eat it. How do I know you weren’t cruel, or callous about it? According to several Pagans, I shouldn’t eat meat in any form, or fashion. However, history (and archeology) show we’ve been ritual hunting for eons.

The main issue: My Bear Mother. She, who is the mother of warriors, kings, smiths, healers, storytellers, and shamans. She is not a flint-arrow kind of Goddess, she who was worshiped during the iron-age… Not such a simple Goddess. I admit, my view was limited when I met her – I am a metalworker, and that’s how I approach many things in life. However, Her artistic inspiration has changed so much of that. Hearing music in my ears that I can almost hear – yet hum the next day. She cannot be boxed, or categorized. A sentence of ‘Oh, that’s who she is,’ will not suffice. I’ve only met a handful (mostly online) who understand the pull of fire and ice. There is more to that mystery, than meets the eye.

Or the Antlered Weaver, or the Avian One. Or, The Red Horseman, or Daughter of the Bear, and her consort. How do I connect with others? How could I connect with only two hours or so of interaction? Learning the mysteries of trance-work – things… Are not so simple.

I’ve been making the effort (and the drive) to connect to other Occultists. Drum circles, gatherings, and if I can afford it a Witch’s Ball in Denver.

It is all too true – once you’ve tasted of the four-cornered cup of truth, that bears the mysteries of the Gods of one’s home… You’re not the same. You simply aren’t. When you’ve played one’s fiddle at midnight at a crossroads and danced with the Good Neighbors – you aren’t the same. The sunlight doesn’t shine like it had before, the music doesn’t sound the same. When you speak poetry that rhymes and has such rhythm that you cannot remember the words – words aren’t enough anymore.

Yet, being so in-tuned with the mysteries – you are disconnected from the world. I’ve been working on that. There are so many mysteries in reality that any Occultist simply needs to look around them to see them. Magic isn’t hidden – but right there in front of our noses.

I know I’m blabbering. But, after so many conversations I feel a blog is needed. How can I connect? I want to, and I try to – I try not to be closed minded, because I haven’t walked in your shoes. I still feel like an outcast, amongst outcasts.

Any advice would be wonderful, for all of the oracles, and divination I’ve done – all I get is an open door. That’s not an easy answer to interpret. I’m not a cookie and a bag of cheetoes, I’m just me. Nothing too terribly special, and one who is especially grumpy and imperfect. I drink, I smoke, I cuss, I have a temper – I’m human. I hope this makes sense.



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8 thoughts on “Meeting Others

  1. There’s always Dragonfest…beyond that I’ve got no ideas as I have similar issues despite knowing many Pagans in Denver.

    • I plan on making a trip to your home this summer – I’m concreting plans and financial budgets, but I do plan on visiting!

  2. Sindr

    Ah, the quandary! Tumblr has much to answer for -I am amazed at how many under-30s are experts! But it’s just one of those things, I thought I was hot shit then too.

    As far as pagans go, I admit I have given up on that one; in the if it ain’t Druid no one has any idea what I am on about and they just dismiss me as “American” (with all the disdain Brits people can manage to muster on the word). I am tall, loud, also tend to swear a fair bit, but I am these things mostly as I am painfully shy and don’t do well around humans in general.

    So, truth be told I tone that down. Yes, really. I wear a more domesticated face around strangers until they get to know me a bit. But that’s something I think everyone does. I don’t consider that to be “selling out”; I think of it as useful camouflage. Especially as being “just me” put people off. As the odd one out it wasn’t up to the crowd to change, it was up to me to adapt. I’ve learned to adapt a bit – humans can change a bit if need be.

    I wish you luck on it! Social interaction is an intricate quadrille. I still don’t know the right steps.

    • I will keep working on it – there’s got to be some serious, and like-minds out there somewhere locally.

  3. L

    I’ve all but given up on trying to connect with polytheists and co-religionists too. For some reason I gravitate toward the spirit-workers–I guess it’s the poetic way in which you guys talk… Or maybe it’s just that your knowledge sounds so familiar to me even though I’ve never done what you all have done–but I don’t spirit-work. Most of my day is drawing comic books and being a rather mundane artist. Connecting with other artists is hard enough as it is.

    I’m going to be attempting to dip my toes into the BDSM scene in my husband’s city. But I don’t want anything to do with exhibitionist sex during play parties, so that limits us tremendously.

    Idk. All in all I’ve learned that there are different “me”s. It’s not that I’m withholding parts of myself, it’s just that there’s no reason for them to even come out. If you’re a foodie and like beer, we’ll get along. If you like robots and SF, we’ll get along. If you work with wights and spirits of place, we’ll get along. If you’re not homophobic and transphobic, we’ll get along.

    Anyways, you’re far more interesting than me, so I think you’ll find some wonderful people eventually.

    • I wish you all the luck in your Husband’s city. It’s been a tangled web to talk to people lately. I cannot quote a passage from a book like they can, I cannot name all of the things I’ve seen. But, there’s got to be some people in this state that I can sit down, drink with, and talk to! There’s got to be!

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