Downsizing is difficult. I am both excited and highly stressed, as well as sad all at the same moment. I know I can’t hold on to everything, because I’m not a hoarder by nature. But a socially created part of me wants to keep everything, let it collect dust or sitting in boxes – as long as I possess them.
How many of us have that nagging thought of ‘we might need it one day?’
Society today has not created healthy people. So many unhappy, disconnected people roam the streets, always searching and buying. Searching for what specifically? That ‘something,’ that might just be around the corner, or hidden in the purchase. That… ‘certain something.’
It’s different for everyone, and I finally found my ‘something.’ Took some years, and a Ph.D from the University of Hard Knocks, but I figured it out. It cannot be put into words, but I know ‘what‘ it is. It fills me with contentment, and satisfaction. This year it really homed in my perspective. I just looked at the store shelves, and walked away with no loss of anything emotionally or otherwise. I look at my tiny midget tree, with sparse gifts. It doesn’t bother me, or leave me with a feeling of ‘I’m missing out.’ I’m not, in reality.
I know deep down the Sacred lives in me, not in my stuff. I know this, many of you know this in your own lives. Sadly, society has taught all of us that we need more stuff. A bigger house to put all our stuff into. Get new stuff and throw the old stuff away.
I really think that’s unnatural. Weird. Odd.
So since October, I’ve been delving deep into my ‘stuff,’ because I refuse to live that way. What do I need? Will I use it? Am I currently using it? What does it mean to me in actuality? Why am I holding on to it?
These are hard questions to some near and very dear things. So now my house is vastly different, but I feel lighter somehow. Less cluttered up with what isn’t necessary, or needed. Our Ancestors lived with so little, but had such rich lives.
This post is about everything we all have in our lives, and not just physical ‘stuff.’ Those ‘things,’ we can’t get rid of, but never use, face, or properly sit down and hash out. It’s a strange anomaly within our modern experience. This transition has been taken slowly on purpose; because I have truly learned that quick changes are damn near always temporary. I want this transition to be a good experience, a cleanse of sorts. I’m thoroughly enjoying the breathing room, and the knowledge that ‘more is only rarely better.’
Transitions have happened spiritually, over the course of this year. Beloved tools became obsolete, and then took on a melancholy as they sat unused. While I still wanted to work with these items, it became painfully clear that they were not to stay with me. Sigh.
Transitions are hard. I realized this past week how much I’ve evolved, changed, and learned. I’ve learned shit-loads, and while it seemed like I was going in useless circles – I wasn’t. It’s those moments that really shake you ‘awake,’ as it were.
So I sit here, hoping all the ritual tools find good homes. I look around my cleared home, and just breathe. For a change.