Adoption, and Family Bonds

This is a topic that can make my blood boil.

Basically, I get the sneer from some when mentioned, a sad pitiful look from others – and other times I get pure snobbery. Just because you gave birth, does not make one any more of a ‘Mother,’ than one who did not, or in some cases – just fucking can’t.

It’s self-righteous, hypocritical, and arrogant bigotry.

I’ve met many Pagan parents that tell me that a ‘true,’ bond is done at birth and with pregnancy. So all those adopted children who are sensed, heard at a far distance when they were scared at summer camp, and have a deep bond with their adopted parents – that bond isn’t… Real? It isn’t the same? How do you know? What right do you have to tell me or any parent what their bond is, or isn’t?

In many cases that I’ve physically seen – the adopted families have had an equal, and in some cases stronger bond than ‘genetically related,’ families. I’ve seen adopted children change their physical appearance to mirror their adopted parents – from brown eyes to blue for instance. Or brown hair to blonde. It does happen, and no science can’t explain that phenomena.

Please refrain from telling me about your ‘link,’ to you kid when I have one with my own (if I get to be blessed with them) is not the same because my child is adopted while you ‘birthed,’ yours. Just, don’t.

Look, a Mother is not just one who births kids. There is more to the role of ‘Mother,’ than just making babies. Seriously.

This ties into another part – inter-racial families. So, if I adopt a black baby, raise him with my Gods, he speaks German and French, and worships my Gods and speaks to them as readily as I do… He’s not ‘allowed,’ to worship Arta? Thor? Or Herne?

Even if I get blessed with carrying and birthing my own children, don’t think for an instant I will forget how much it hurts, how insulting, or how angry I felt as I feel when parents gloat about their birthed children. It’s fucked up, and it makes you look like a pure dick. Grow up a little, and then maybe you can grow a little.

Because, a family is a family, is a family. All different types, sizes, and relations. The bond is the glue that holds the family together, and gives the love a deeper meaning. Please stop the bigotry.

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Categories: Uncategorized | 6 Comments

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6 thoughts on “Adoption, and Family Bonds

  1. Babs

    I was adopted at the age of six. My birth mother was well I won’t be shy to say that she was a drug hazed whore who slept with anything with a penis. I know for a fact I have a half brother in China, yes China! and goddess knows how many other siblings. The man who was my father might not of even been my father. Well I bring this up for a reason. I was adopted at the age of six by a woman who was my social worker who fell in love with a malnutrition little girl who was in dirty clothing. My bond with my adopted mother is stronger then any birth parent, though I will comment that we don’t worship the same way but that has nothing to do with it.

  2. i am a mother of two children i had the good fortune to grow in my own womb. however, my second was brought into the world via an emergency c-section. he also spent a month in a NICU, part of that time in an incubator attached to many & diverse pieces of life-saving & sustaining equipment. i had to pump my breastmilk & it was given to him via a machine. some people will say that because of all that we also are not properly bonded. that’s a bunch of bullshit. i sat in that effing hospital for weeks, holding him to my skin as much as would be allowed, with all the probes & wires & tubes. people can say whatever they want, but you have it damn straight Anne. what makes a mother is what you are willing to do for your babies. it’s what you put into their upbringing; the love, the sacrifices, the effing commitment to them & their success, their happiness & their survival. it’s a great deal more than just getting them into the world. it’s being a mama bear & doing what it takes, not just pumping out pupae.

    whew! /rant off.

    • I agree. I’ve seen in the wild animals ‘adopting,’ young – some not even of their species! If you want to – look up the mother lioness who adopted a faun!

      I just got miffed, is what happened. I want to scream ‘open your damned mind!’

      Ok, I’m off for some rum and ‘daily squee,’ because I need some adorableness right now.

  3. Karen

    My son’s birth and resulting aftermath were so awful that to this day (ten years later) I still have PTSD, and was damn lucky to survive at all. (C-section, golden staph infection in the wound…) I didn’t ‘bond’ with him (hooray for untreated post partum psychosis) until he was 18 months old. He’s autistic, epileptic, has ADHD, a chromosome abnormality and an intellectual disability. And he is the most wonderful thing in my life, and I would crawl through broken glass to make him happy, and I would die a hundred times over for him if necessary. THAT makes me a mother, not the fact I am genetically related to him, or that I birthed him. People who claim some kind of superiority because they managed to squeeze a kid out make me froth at the mouth. [/end rant]

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