Ugh in the Spirit World

So, I’ve been having heart trouble – which for me means that I haven’t spent enough time in the Otherworlds. That ‘eating‘ away at my being that leaves me damn near crippled. Joy. I have clinical ‘arrhythmia,’ which is for me when my heart ‘forgets‘ to beat. It hurts, it’s debilitating, and medical professionals won’t help me until I have a fucking heart-attack. To them, I think they’re assholes.

So, today I stayed home, I was too weak for industrial work, and needed rest.

I went to the Otherworlds, just to the edge, and just ‘cuz.’ I was weak, but needed to go.

I met my other two familiars. I knew they were coming, I was not expecting what I got. I was there, just soaking in the atmosphere like a dehydrated person on an open IV, and I saw him. A spider, about the size of a blue-heeler… COMING RIGHT AT ME.

I screamed. I admit it.

I ran. Yep, I admit that too.

He followed. I was pinned in a three-walled box canyon setting, panting and feeling my heart NOT being in a good place… He spoke to me.

“Uh… I’m supposed to introduce myself.”

I screamed again. If you think this is shit – FUCK YOU. Spiders are my phobia.

It was a jumping spider, and he’s been trying to WEEKS to get in touch with me. I’ve killed about 20 of them – all looking identical. Funny, no?

This spider has got to be the most mellow-yellow creature I’ve ever met. I spoke to him, and after a bit I very nervously listened. I have a new familiar. A spider. It’s time to stop being afraid apparently, to look, listen, and feel the vibes of the webs. This…. Ought to be interesting. And, I should get more grey hair. Not like I don’t have enough as is!

After, I was in a lake, trying to speak to the fish. I know, I know. I almost had one, until a weird bird swam up to me. It was black, with grey and white feathers on it’s main body. It had a white stripe around it’s neck, and a strange call that sounded more like laughter than anything else. Yep, a LOON.

It got the fish for me so easily that it made me feel like a Neanderthal making fire. It swam off laughing.

So, this is new. I am not sure what to make of this, and… With my heart in the shape it’s in right now, I need a rest and a time for reflection. I would love insights, hints, tips, etc.

I came back to my own in a sorry state. My heart is not strong right now, but after the trip I have felt much better. Does this happen for other people?

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Categories: Uncategorized | 4 Comments

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4 thoughts on “Ugh in the Spirit World

  1. Hi, I just found your blog recently, having been doing a lot of research into bear worship recently. Anyway, just wanted to say – what happened to you with spider, happened to me with bees. Terrified of them for my whole childhood and into adulthood. Then one day, they started coming for me – in the physical world, and in the spiritual. I eventually relented and realized they were one of my spirit animals. Now, I work with them regularly. Never would have imagined it though.
    (Also, my partner works with spider heavily: http://thehouseofvines.wordpress.com/tag/spider/)

  2. Hello! I wrote a small book on my own bear worship if you want to read it. It’s just what I do…. Thanks for the tips with spider! Thanks for the link! Yea, I’ve been mortified of arachnids ever since I can remember. I just didn’t think they’d be working with me, and I sure as hell didn’t expect such a mellow creature.

  3. Hi! I’ve been dealing with my own spider phobia recently; I’ve had it since I was 6 or 7 and my mom told me, quite nonchalantly, that when I was 2, she found me sitting under the kitchen table, having apparently just put a live spider in my mouth. Several legs were still sticking out and wiggling weakly. I swallowed it before she could take it away, she said.

    Who WOULDN’T freak out and be scarred for life after hearing something like that?

    But it got to the point of being crippling, especially after reading online that, no matter where we are in the world (unless we happen to live outdoors in Antarctica), we are never more than 5 feet away from a spider. They are THAT numerous. So about eight years ago, I started working with flooding techniques: first looking at pictures of spiders until they didn’t bother me any more, then watching them on YouTube, then holding plastic or rubber fake spiders, then watching live spiders in cages at the pet store (tarantulas), then watching live spiders NOT in cages from a distance, and finally watching them close up.

    It’s taken years, but at the end of May this year, I went camping in upstate NY with some friends. We were sitting in a picnic shelter on the last afternoon before going home, and I realized a small spider had just dropped down from the roof and landed in the hair of the friend next to me. Rather than shrieking, running away, hyperventilating, going into shock, I got up very calmly, scooped it into my hand, carried it over to the grass, and let it go. I’m pretty sure my phobia of them is dead.

    …which is a good thing, because all of a sudden there are spiders EVERYWHERE in my house and where I go outside, and I’m starting to wonder if this is some kind of test…

    ~Jennifer L.

    • That’s wonderful! My phobia has been overcome by a strange circumstance. There was a jumping spider that refused to leave our home. We got a jar for him to live in, and he lived with us for some time. I hand fed him, watched him, let him crawl on my hand… So now they don’t bother me, and I give you props for facing that phobia head on!

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